Color

Hello friends,
we didn't practice this morning, because it's a moon day. We take a rest day on the full and new moons each month because of the way they affect our energy. If you want to know more read this: http://www.ashtangayogacenter.com/moon.html, but it may all be Greek to you.
I've been going through financial aid info for school. It's not as daunting as I originally thought, but after spending 6 months not reading anything that really required my attention, I'm finding it slow going.
I'm going to talk to my potential Nashville roommate on the phone this weekend. I hope it works out. I have a good feeling about it.
The astrologer told me to stop wearing dark colors because they make me contract, whereas light colors will make me expand. I've been thinking about it. Most of my wardrobe is black. I think I've been wearing black to hide myself to some extent. I'm sure some of it has to do with body image--black is slimming, after all. I'm thinking it's time to embrace brighter colors and white.
My neck still hurts, but is feeling much better. I'm still waging a war of attrition on the muscles in my hips. They will yield just like the French! It's only matter of time...
Hugs,
Lauren

If it's not one thing, it's another.

Hello friends, I'm happy to report my lumbar region is feeling a-ok. Unfortunately, I pulled a muscle at the base of my neck yesterday and it's quite sore. I had to cut out a bunch of the finishing sequence today. I went to the chiropractor this morning and she made it feel better. Yay. We joke that every time you feel like you've just damaged yourself, it's actually an "opening." We'll see...
Today, as I approached my bane, Marichiasana D, Sharath came over and pulled on my arms to start to twist me in the right direction. He looked at me and said "it is coming..." Yay. I can feel it's only a matter of time. That was the highlight of my practice today. My neck hurt and I felt tired and heavy. Some days my whole body feels wrong and other days I'm floating on the air.
Here is a picture of Marichiasana D, so the uninitiated can get a visual (I met this guy here!):

It's cooled down a little here, which is a relief. And I've been sleeping better.
Not much else to report!
Hugs,
Lauren

Happy Birthday to....

...ME!
Hello friends, I completed a quarter century today. I prefer odd numbers to even ones, for some reason, so 25 feels good.
I didn't have the greatest practice this morning, but the day's been really nice.
I had my astrological chart read this morning (more on that momentarily), then I went out for lunch with some people and hung out at someone's house. One girl brought me cake with candles. I was really touched, because she didn't have to go out of her way to do that. It was nice.
I'm making more friends and feeling more comfortable with being here.
I got in an argument with my rickshaw driver today. He brought me to the astrologer last week. He took me the long way there on the meter. Then, he took the short way back without the meter. He asked me to tell him when I was going back to the astrologer so he could take me. I did, but I told him we were going the short way there and the short way back.
So he took me there off the meter again and then I had him drive me to the place where we had lunch. Then he demanded exorbitant sums for waiting for me at the astrologer's, even though the rate is clearly written on the side of the rickshaw. "no, no, that's the old rate..." Yeah right.
So I told him I was angry (without raising my voice) because he was cheating me and demanding a different price from me because I'm a foreigner. Then he got angry and dramatic and told me to keep my money like I'd insulted his honor. Then he told me he was going to tell all his rickshaw driver friends not to drive me anywhere. Whatever. They're a dime a dozen. I'm sure I'll be able to find someone to drive me around. This is why I don't go anywhere. It's always such an ordeal. Sigh.
I asked a woman here who's a dietitian about my chronic iron deficiency (I'm never allowed to give blood, because my iron is always too low). She told me it is not good, asked me about my diet and we concluded I'm eating very few iron-rich foods. The most interesting thing she told me was the deficiency can make me short of breath, because I don't have enough iron for the O2 to attach to in my body. I do get the sensation that I can't take a full, satisfying breath on and off--I always thought it was stress, but it may just be due to lack of iron. The lack of iron could actually contribute to stress if I'm not supplying my body with as much oxygen as it needs as a result.
Now for the juicy stuff.
The astrologer had me take notes and record him giving me my reading on a cassette.
This is astrology in the south Indian, Vedic tradition. My sun is in Taurus, not Gemini. That's ok. I've let go of identifying as a Gemini.
More importantly my ascendant is in Cancer as is my moon which seems to be what plays a dominant role in my personality.
I really didn't tell him anything about myself before the reading.
He told me that I have tenacity of purpose and that I stick to my principles. Cancer is a water sign and is flowing. I'm emotional, excitable, love travel and am interested in international commerce.
I have strong intuitive power and am interested in the healing arts. I like water travel.
I'm interested in yoga and philosophy and seek guidance from yogis.
I will have a love marriage (this is definitely a cultural thing--most people here don't choose their own partner--I will bring home the marriage classified ads from the paper. They're a trip). My partner will be someone who can appreciate the different aspects of my personality and my traits. He said I would find this person or a prospect between August and November of this year. Holy crap. We'll see. Then, later he gave me dates: Aug 6 things will take shape, 25 November things will get decided, by 15 January something will be finalized.
I'm a good artist and have a fertile imagination. I like music, literature, decoration, painting, drama. I'm expressive. I have an idea and I express it through my body--gestures, gait, etc.
I'm very communicative, language flows through me.
I have lots of foreign travels.
He said in school I don't meet my own expectations and something holds me back from manifesting my total capacity.
Then he asked me if I had practiced martial arts. Ummm...yes.
I have a magnetic personality.
He said I'd be successful in the hospitality industry. I like to be pleasant to the customer and to make people feel comfortable. He said I like to make my environment beautiful. He said I want to drive a luxurious vehicle.
He told me my pleasant face and smile are part of my gift of bringing other people joy.
My business will involve pleasing the customer, I'll be a top executive and will be a good manager.
I'm very quick.
I'm a peace-maker and a go-between. Again, my business will involve mediating between parties. Some kind of networking/being a liason. I will eventually work for myself, but it will take time.
I am a good student and teacher of yoga.
He said I had a change in my professional course in 2005/2006--true enough. I got promoted in 2005 and then I quit in 2006.
He told me all this is preparation.
I won't just be a good wife, but I want to be a good mother. I am tender, soft, generous and have affection for all.
I would make a good water-diviner.
I will rise to the top in 2012-2013, professionally. I'll be connected with international tourism. I'll be the boss.
He said I shouldn't wear dark colors. Black makes me shrink, whereas light colors will make me expand. Too bad most of my wardrobe is black...
I'm magnetic and attractive. I will keep the company of people of rank and position.
I would be a good civil engineer.
I will deal with others' money. Their money is safe with me.
The best gem for me is a rosy-colored diamond. He told me it had to be minimum 6 carats and I must wear it on my ring finger on my left hand. Who's going to bankroll that? I won't be able to lift my hand.
I must also have a 3 to 5 carat ruby on my right hand which will give me authority and queenly qualities.
Some people are jealous of me so I have to filter my friendships. He said I will rise very quickly and people will become spiteful.
I should avoid eating potato and onion.
I have the capacity to handle the professional challenges that come my way. August 6 is when stuff in my life begins to take off.
I'm frank. I don't like hypocrisy or flattery.
He said I may have sleeping problems...
I'm responsible, but human.
Anyhoo, I take all this with a grain of salt, but I don't think it's totally invalid. I do think there is some kind of energy that exists in the universe that affects us all. Actually, a lot of it was surprisingly accurate. Especially because he told me that law/international commerce were professions I would have an affinity for. I don't know that I have a need to beautify my surroundings or drive a nice car. I definitely don't need to be wearing a 6 carat rock.
A lot of what he said about my professional life are things I've been discovering about myself over the last few years.
Sorry there's no clear narrative here--I mostly copied the notes I took during the reading.
Well, friends, it's been a good birthday. I hope you are all having a nice Memorial Day!
Hugs,
Lauren

Rain

Hello friends, we've started to get some rain here, which is lovely. I'm told everyone in India lives in anticipation of the monsoon, because it cools everything down.
I finally slept really well last night and now I'm feeling a bit lethargic.
I have one really good prospect for housing in Nashville. I hope it works out.
Not much else to share, otherwise, but I wanted to write something!
Hugs,
Lauren

Nashville is far from here...

I'm getting a little stressed about finding housing in Nashville all the way from India. I'm trying to find a roommate, because it's so very expensive to live alone. I just spent an hour emailing people on craigslist. We'll see what happens. Luckily, my family is helping me, because they are wonderful, helpful people.
At least the stress gives me an opportunity to practice my de-stressing techniques. I think it's working, actually.
Yoga is good. I think I'm starting to understand and appreciate the teaching style here. Because I'm not allowed to go further in the series than Mari D, I'm really taking more time to focus on the postures I do have in a way I haven't focused on them before. With the new focus and the time I'm spending opening my hips, I'm feeling myself move deeper into a lot of poses. It's nice. I can also see how mastering these poses will allow my body to naturally move to the next postures in the series. I tried bujapindasana today at home, just to see where my body is at and I was shocked to be able to get my legs around my arms. I still can't balance, but I can tell that really focusing on opening my hips, etc, will allow me to get into the pose later.
I'm feeling a lot of stretching in my knees, hips and shoulders. I feel like I'm moving into a new body, in some ways.
Not much else to report.
Hugs,
Lauren

It's hot still.

Hi friends, it's still really hot here.
George, I'm not sure how much I like being quoted back to myself. I sound a little preachy. Oh well.
I will definitely come visit the crew when I get home.
Stuff's good here. I'm becoming a little more social. I had so much to think about when I first got here and it'd been so long since I'd talked to people for extended periods of time, that I think I was a little overwhelmed by social contact.
I'm feeling a little stiff and sore, but that's to be expected. I think I moved through the old hamstring injury. I can feel my shoulders opening up. The changes aren't so dramatic as they were right at first, but I can feel little changes every day. I'm definitely stretching into some heretofore uncharted territory. How exciting.
Insomnia is still rearing its ugly head, but I think it's good that I'm getting it here. It's giving me an opportunity to analyze why I get it and what I can do about it.
Oh, and I did get accepted to the University of Minnesota. Too late, suckas.
TTFN,
Lauren

Old habits...

Old habits are heard to break. This meditation and yoga business are all about breaking old, negative habits in your mind and body.
One thing I've been doing is observing the thoughts in my head without attaching myself to them in any way. I was shocked at how negative I am! If I talked to anyone else the way I talk to myself in my head I wouldn't have any friends at all. I'm constantly nagging and judging myself. How annoying. No wonder I'm anxious. Anyhoo, awareness is the first step. Now I have to remind myself that those thoughts are not useful and to let them go. This seemed to work for me this morning.
George, I'm glad you appreciated the construction photos. I'll take some more. It blows my mind. People are manually sifting sand through screens, breaking up big rocks into smaller ones, digging foundations by carrying dirt on their heads in round pans, and when they're up on the "scaffolding," you can bet your life they're not harnessed into anything. I demand a donut hole from every member of the Habitat crew as royalties for sharing the photo.
And, I think my rugby days are over.

Clearing out the Coconut

Hello friends, I'm back in Mysore and feeling less assaulted from all sides by noise and pollution and stuff.
I found a lot of my old thought patterns came back while I was away from here. It surprised me. I realized it's going to be much harder to maintain the mental tranquility when I'm in the real world. Some of you may be saying "duh" to yourselves. It seems so obvious, but I didn't think about it till now. So now I know that I'm going to have to find a way to make real life and meditation merge.
Someone here asked me if I came here to clear out the coconut. Yes. I'm attempting to clear out the coconut.
George, sometimes I really can't motivate to move from a horizontal position. I justify it by stretching and reading while lying down. That means I'm multitasking, right?
Shopping here is a different experience than at home. There always seem to be more sales people than customers and they follow you around while you shop. I mean they are ON TOP of you while you browse. I think in the malls it means good customer service. In the grocery store in Mysore they follow me around so I don't steal anything. It's annoying, but I'm trying to be culturally sensitive about it.
I went to a movie yesterday, which was fun.
I got back here around 9:30 last night. Practice wasn't that great this morning. I think I'm sleep deprived from my couple nights of no sleeping and I didn't eat that well in Bangalore. It's nice to really be able to feel how those things affect my practice. There are so few variables that it's easier to isolate which ones might be making me feel icky. On the plus side, my knee felt better this morning. I've decided I have 5 lbs in the way of Mari D.
In other news, the U of M wrote me an email saying they're trying to contact me with their decision on my application, but my cell phone is disconnected. I can only assume this means I've been accepted, otherwise I don't think they'd bother to call. Of course, I had to briefly revisit my decision in my mind, but I think I made the right choice. I will stay the course. I tried to make the decision assuming I would be accepted to the U. It's still hard to leave home, but the hard part is already out of the way, right? Again, that's the only tough thing about the choice.
Shesh, thanks for the clarification on the bullock. Now, I'll have to admit my ignorance and say I don't even know what the BPO industry is, so I probably won't be pursuing a career in it.
Here's the email I got from a lady at a yoga studio in Nashville I asked about Ashtanga:
"We are laid back here in the south. Ashtanga seems to be a bit too intense for the masses." There you have it.
I'm going to spend the rest of the day continuing to clear out the coconut and convincing myself I made the right choice about school.
TTFN,
Lauren

Bangalore

Hello friends, I decided to leave Mysore for my day off from yoga and visit the bustling city of Bangalore.
It's such a time warp. People are walking around in Western clothes, there are malls and stuff. It's weird. I went in a mall briefly and sort of felt at home.
I took the train here and it took over 4 hours to go the app. 150 km. India is slowly growing on me. People are mostly really friendly. Where else can you see a Swarovski crystal store and then walk 10 minutes and see some lady breaking up rock into gravel by hand and a guy transporting it on a cart pulled by a cow. I think I know I'm going home soon and I'm getting nostalgic about all this stuff already.
Something I will not be nostalgic about: the cockroach that crawled on me while I was trying to sleep last night. I had insomnia again last night and the night before. The cockroach did not help things at all. I kinda hoped the insomnia would just magically disappear when I started meditating...it has not. I think it will probably go away gradually. I'm not even actively worrying about anything. I think with all this new awareness in my body, I've been finding muscles where I was holding tension and didn't know it. I've been releasing the tension from those muscles, but I think the tension has transfered itself to the muscles in my face. These muscles are more difficult to control consciously. Anyhoo, I'll continue to work on all the stress and stuff and then I think the insomnia will not rear its ugly head so often.
I emailed Iowa to tell them I'm not going to their school. That makes it all official!
It was nice to get out of Mysore and be moving around a little bit. I'm feeling more motivated than I was a week or so ago.
Hugs,
Lauren

Changing world view

Hello friends, my opening shoulders are changing my whole outlook on life. Just a few days of focusing on stretching out my whole shoulder girdle are having a noticeable influence on my practice! I don't have to use so much arm strength to keep myself back in down dog and my heels almost touched the ground this morning! And, I was able to do all 3 backbends for a full 5 breaths this morning, which may be my first time ever. The flexibility in my shoulders made it easier to hold myself up and breathe through the icky feeling I get in backbends.
I haven't had one day yet where I woke up at 4:30 thinking, "ugh, again? I have to go do that again?" Every morning I feel so happy and privileged to be going to practice. I've been feeling really delighted to be here and to be alive and all that bologna.
I was next to someone doing third series today (I think it was third). He had a leg behind his head for, literally, every pose. Jumping back with his leg behind his head, etc. Janu shirshasana A felt so pedestrian in comparison.
I went to an Astro-Numero-Palmistry-Magneto-Gem-Yoga-Psycho Therapist today. That's what his business card says and I think it's hilarious. I went for an initial consultation today to give him my stats: date, time, and place of birth, name, photo, signature, etc. He is going to read my chart on...my birthday. He said, why not start the new year with a reading. Why not, indeed. He was conferred an honorary phd in astrology by some university in California. Apparently, he's the best. He's 83 and really cute. He told me I like to take command--I want to be the leader. I do stuff and then show others how to do it. I think talk is cheap. I guess that's true.
It's really hot here. You can't walk around in the sun for more than 5 minutes at a time. Good thing I don't have any reason to do so.
TTFN,
Lauren

Good posture feels great!

Hello friends, we didn't practice this morning and I got to sleep in till 6:30! Delightful.
I went to the chiropractor this morning. She's slowly fixing my neck. I have muscles in my shoulders that are so tight they're pulling my neck forward and I've lost the normal curvature in my cervical spine. She's got me doing some exercises that are putting the curve back in place and stretching my shoulders and pecs. It feels so great! I feel like a new person when I'm walking. I can feel a difference in my lower back even. I don't have to use my stomach muscles as much to keep my pelvis in place when my neck isn't jutting forward. I also feel taller. She said the neck thing is really common in people who do office work.
Not much else to report.
I'm still feeling good about my school decision, but it's going to take some mental adjustment. I really love Minneapolis for a whole lot of reasons and its going to be hard to be away for so long.
The internet cafe here has headphones and I'm listening to music on Myspace. I haven't listened to music for so long. I'm entranced.
Here's one of my favorite poems by Rumi, for your reading enjoyment:
The Pickaxe
You have a lease and you've set up a little shop
where you barely make a living sewing patches
on torn clothing. Yet only a few feet underneath
are two veins, pure red and bright gold carnelian.
Quick! Take the pickaxe and pry the foundation.
You've got to quit this seamstress work
What does the patch-sewing mean, you ask.
Eating and drinking. The heavy cloak of the body
is always getting torn. You patch it with food,
and other restless ego-satisfactions. Rip up
one board from the shop floor and look into
the basement. You'll see two glints in the dirt.
TTFN,
Lauren

Decisons, decisions

Well friends, I'm writing to tell you I decided today to go to Vanderbilt Law School. This is a rather unexpected development, but an exciting one.
In other news, my knee is still sore. I had a dream about it last night. Then when I was walking down the street someone fell right on...my right knee. I'm sure it'll get better and I should just stop pushing it.
Anyhoo, I'm having a hard time believing I'm moving south of the Mason-Dixon.

Still sore

Hello friends, I'm still feeling pretty sore. We don't practice tomorrow because it is a "moon day." I'm still not entirely sure what that means, but it'll probably be good to give the ol' body a rest.
The U of M is giving me the same response to my newest email: wait till the end of the month. The biggest news for me is that I'm actually not obsessing about this decision in the way I would have a couple months ago. It would've upset my sleep and made me feel anxious all the time. So, I feel like the yoga is working. I actually feel a little happy excitement over the uncertainty!
I'm really leaning toward Vanderbilt, though.
I know I had something I wanted to write about, but I can't remember what it was.
Oh yeah, I've been thinking about how far I'll make it through Primary series while I'm here, even though I know its the wrong attitude--wanting to get past Mari D is clouding my practice! I finished Mari D today and looked up expectantly at Sharath, hoping he would let me continue. Why? I think I want to feel like I'm advancing, even though I am advancing in a million ways that don't involve binding in Mari D. Must let it go.
TTFN,
Lauren

My sore....

...everything. I had to use that pun at some point, right? And what better time to use it than when I'm actually quite sore. Today made 10 days of practice and I'm feeling little patches of soreness throughout my body. They are helping me revist injuries past: "Hello, hamstring I painfully overstretched during the winter of '05!" "How are you tiny muscle in my shoulder I pulled last summer?" And then there are new aches, telling me I'm entering previously uncharted territory. My hips have probably not been this open since 1992. I'm passively stretching my hips for what probably amounts to hours a day, mostly while I'm reading.
I was feeling a bit antisocial and homesick the past few days. I think the same thing happened to me here as at the Ashram after a bit--I got a little bit of sensory overload and I wanted to not talk about yoga for a little bit. I'm back to feeling social again, which is good.
It's been really hot here the past 2 days. I spend the majority of the day hiding from the sun. Then I go to bed at 8:30.
I'm having some trouble making decisions about law school...I sent the U an email telling them I would appreciate a response on my application ASAP, since I have to tell Vanderbilt whether or not I'm attending their institution by Friday. The good news is, neither choice is a bad one.
After researching their respective web sites, I think Vanderbilt has a better international law program than the U of M. But the U is in Minneapolis, along with my family and friends...but my brother and his (soon-to-be) wife are in Nashville. He has also offered to give me Ed,the most loveable cat of all time, if I move there. You may remember Ed from a post long ago...here he is again:


I met a British guy who studied law in London and now works in Brussels for the EU doing international environmental protection stuff. Talking to him got me excited about school. For some reason just thinking about being involved in international treaty negotiations makes my heart go all aflutter.
I also met 2 guys from Turkmenistan. I didn't know there were actual people in Turkmenistan. I've also met 5 people so far on my trip from Estonia. Who comes from Estonia? Blondes.

A Spaniard in the works...

...as my dad likes to say. I'm not sure what to do about this whole Vanderbilt thing...it will require some serious thought. There's more Ashtanga (but not much) in Nashville than in Iowa City, so that makes the Vandy vs. Iowa choice easy for me. The Vandy vs U of M choice is a little less clear to me right now.
I've been feeling a little homesick today. I really don't have much to do. The less there is to do, the less I feel like doing and then I spiral into a tiny emotional black hole. I need to find another class to start next week.
I also seem to alternate between embracing all this new knowledge and feeling overwhelmed by it. Right now I feel a little overwhelmed.
Anyhoo, have a nice mother's day!
Lauren

Lazy day

Hello friends, not much to report here today. I saw the chirporactor again this morning and she worked on my hips and lower back. She did some work on my psoas muscles. They were really tight and were pulling my pelvis out of alignment. My back feels better now.
Practice this morning was led. It felt so different from led practice last week. I feel so much stronger already. I didn't feel like I'd been hit by a bus at the end of it. I've been getting fewer adjustments than when I first got here, which is fine. I think I have to work with what I learned in those adjustments for a while and then I'll be ready for more.
I just got an email that I've been admitted to Vanderbilt Law School. Hooray for me. How about you, U of M????
Hugs.
Lauren

Letting Go

Hello friends, I have so many things to share, I don't know where to start!
I had my last day of anatomy class today, unfortunately. I wish I could go every day! It's so nice to have all this yoga knowledge around me that I can soak up.
Yesterday we talked about arms and shoulders. There's very little holding your shoulder into place. The shoulder was not designed as a weight-bearing device the way the hip joint was. So, in Ashtanga we have to rely on musculature to keep everything in place, not on the nature of the joint. We practiced engaging muscles in the hand and felt the muscle chain react all the way up the arm. In down dog, etc we want our weight to be in the inside of our hands (ie the thumb and pointer) because that's the side of the arm with the most weight-bearing capacity. I've had a really hard time with this in my practice. We were told to practice clawing the ground whenever we're in a posture where our palms are flat. This engages muscles and tendons and stuff in the hand that set off the chain of muscle engagement through the arms.
I tried it this morning and it changed so much stuff! I was able to shift my weight much more easily to the inside of my hand and I felt like I had to use a lot less muscle in my shoulders to keep myself in the position.
I had a really good, focused practice this morning (maybe because we were practicing together??). I felt really aware of a lot of things in my body. I got home and crashed for an hour and a half! I haven't been sleeping after practice, but this morning I couldn't stay awake.
Today at anatomy we talked about core muscles and engaging mula bandha and uddiyana bandha. It was really informative, but a lot of the information was sensory, so I don't know if I can communicate it.
Anyhoo, we practiced feeling the difference between the core muscles engaging and the sleeve muscles engaging.
Also, apparently most of the nerves associated with the sympathetic nervous system are in the lower back. Could my low back pain and anxiety be directly related to and feeding one another?? I think so.
Something that kept coming up in class was how our habituated movement patterns manifest themselves in the body and how we have to un-habituate ourselves to make the body healthier (sound similar to te process of dealing with anxiety?). The yoga helps do that, but the teacher suggested giving up other sports for a year or two to get those movements out of the body. It made me think about some of the things I've given up and how going through yoga and reexperiencing old injuries and working through muscle tension that originated in activities I used to do requires a lot of letting go. A lot more than just physically letting go. We hold so many emotions in our body along with physical tension. I'm not sure what else to say about that, other than the yoga helps move through and past the things that have happened to us, which is directly related to how we hold and how we've used our bodies. Yoga practice can't progress till you're ready to let some of those familiar patterns go.
In other news, I went to the chirporactor for an initial consultation on Tuesday. She had me go get an x-ray of my lower back at the local hospital. It was included in the consultation fee, but if it hadn't been it would've cost me $6. But I digress. The long and the short of it is I have some narrowing of my discs between my L4 and L5, and L5 and S1 vertebrae. These are the vertebrae all the way at the base of the spine. Surprise, this is where my back hurts. There's also some calcification on those vertebrae. The chiropractor gave me an exercise to put movement into that part of the spine. She said that will increase fluid in the discs and help them heal. My shoulders are tight and hunched a little forward and my neck goes forward too. She worked on bringing my shoulders back and gave me some exercises to stretch out the front of my chest. Today, she's giving a posture class, so I can learn to sit up straight, which she thinks is what I need more than anything else.
I must admit, I freaked out a little bit when I saw the narrowing of the discs. I feel like I'm too young to have this. The chiropractor told me it's not that bad, and that it's actually fairly normal in someone who's done the kind of physical activity I've done.
Now that anatomy class is done, I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do with all my free time.
I'll figure out something. Although, exercises and meditation and playing around with sensations, etc can take up quite a lot of someone's day. It's nice to be here and have the time to focus on it. It's harder to spend a half hour a day stretching out your shoulders at home.
We have a led class again tomorrow. It will be interesting to see how different it feels after 4 days of self-led practice.
Hugs,
Lauren

Not a Gemini?

Hello friends, still really happy to be here. My mind wandered a little more than I'd like in practice this morning, but otherwise no complaints.
Anatomy today: pelvis and hips. We looked at different femurs today. Wow. People's femurs are SO different! Unbelievable. We saw how the shape of the ball that goes into the hip socket and the angle it attaches to the bone, etc effect hip movement and one's ability to get into...padmasana. Some people's are shaped in such a way that the femur bone hits the bone of the pelvis and they have to torque their knees to get into padmasana. I'm not sure how my femur is shaped. We'll just have to wait and see.
Right now, I'm still working through all the soft tissue.
I'm going to a chiropractor this afternoon who came recommended. It'll be nice to go to someone who's used to dealing with yogis. She apparently does other kinds of body work too. Yay. I'm really hoping to understand my back better and to heal it.
Not much else to report today, after my purge yesterday. Although, I was reminded of something emotionally traumatic that happened to me a long time ago yesterday. It made me feel that anxious feeling in my stomach. I sat down and meditated and I felt so much better. It's nice to know that this anxiousness is just habit, it's not how I'm hardwired. I can un-habituate it. Yay.
I got bored while I was eating today and read my book. Can't change habit over night....
Oh, and I forgot to explain my title! I met another student who also studies astrology...he tells me our Western system is out of date, the planets have realigned since it was set up and that according to Vedic astrology I am not a Gemini! I am a Taurus!!! He's going to do my chart for me and show me tomorrow. I'll keep you informed.
Love!
Lauren

Blogspot Confessional

Thanks Mo and Cate for your comments! I'm glad what I'm writing about is interesting to someone...I wasn't totally convinced, so I'll keep sharing thought with you about my inward journey, so to speak.
I'm going to try and be as candid as possible about things I'm thinking and feeling while I'm here. Confessions of a 24 (almost 25)-year old blogger:
I've been thinking about what I wrote earlier about grace and my quest for it. I know a lot of times we leave home only to find in the journey that what we were looking for was at home all along. I realized yesterday morning that I find grace in my Ashtanga practice. Surprise.
I came here not really knowing what to expect. I also came here without any clearly defined goals for what I wanted to learn. I think this is probably a good thing. When people asked me why I wanted to study yoga in India for 2 months, I told them mostly just to be in the atmosphere here, to be in the presence of a guru, to have time where all I have to think about is yoga.
I think these things are all true, but I'm also finding how much more I want to learn! My stay at the Ashram started this exploration of the inner self and I'm finding that message reinforced over and over from a variety of different sources. These things I'm looking for: grace, strength, awareness of my body, freedom from stress, etc are all tied in to the same thing. Yoga and meditation will bring me closer to my true self. Knowing myself will calm my mind.
I'm also realizing how completely un-unique my anxiety and fears are. Everyone's got them! We've all got the same problems, friends. They're rooted in the 4 basic drives: self-preservation, food, sex, sleep. Sharing this with humanity makes it easier to bear somehow.
This brings me into my next topic. Of the 4 drives, food is the one that I've had the most challenges with. The message I'm getting everywhere is: mindfulness, pay attention. I'm applying this to eating. I think this will be the most difficult thing for me when I get home. I do a lot of social eating. Anyways, the first thing I've learned is to take a moment before eating. Prayer? Not necessarily, just a moment to relax so you can eat while in a calm, centered place. Second, no multitasking. I've stopped reading while I eat. I'm trying to pay attention to every bite, really chew and taste my food thoroughly. This helps me know when I feel full and should stop eating. I'm trying to heed that physical signal. I'm redefining my relationship with food, a journey I started when I graduated from college.
Anatomy class: holy crap. Lots of info, fascinating stuff. We spent almost 5 hours between yesterday and today talking about feet to knees. I'll try to accurately divulge some of the info I learned.
First fascinating thing: our core muscles are not just in our abdomen! We have core and sleeve muscles all through the body. The core muscles are close to the bones and we can't really see them. They're responsible for sensing, rooting, stability--our movements begin here. Sleeve muscles are bigger and do more outward movements. We saw yesterday how the muscle chain that you engage in your abdomen and pelvic floor originate in your feet! Moral of the story: the feet are very important.
We stood with our eyes closed and swayed back and forward, feeling different muscle groups engage in the body as we moved. Then, tried to find center, where we were relaxed. Also, to really feel the quality of the ground beneath are feet--texture, temperature, density, etc. The idea is to sense these things in the feet and be firmly grounded in the feet and with the core muscles, before reaching out with the sleeve muscles.
We were encouraged to go home and practice sensing subtle things in the body that we may not have been paying attention to before. Holy crap, sensory overload. I felt so many things that I had never felt before. Firstly, while walking I noticed my right leg is turned slightly outwards. Standing still, after a while I could feel the twist in my pelvis and which of my legs was made shorter from that. I could also feel the twist in my pelvis while lying down.
This brings me into my back injury. A lot of its physical, but I've decided a lot of its mental too. I think I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with it. It's definitely a horn I like to toot (meaning, for some reason I like to tell people about it). It hurts and limits my movement sometimes, but I think I also regard it as a bit of an old friend. Also a crutch--"I can't do that, my back hurts..." I think part of me doesn't want to see it go. Why? Unknown.
Are you bored yet, gentle reader?
Yesterday was the first day that I actually felt, from inside, what the structure of my back felt like. Until yesterday, I'd only understood the structural problem in my pelvis and sacrum from what other people had told me about it. How unbelievable to actually feel it from inside, just by paying close attention! There's a lot of really cool stuff going on in there. And this is only the beginning!
I really focused on my feet this morning while I was practicing. How do you make a perfectly formed footprint in every standing pose? How do you even out the pressure across the foot and then extend outwards and go deeper into the pose?
I'm finding in my practice I can turn off my thoughts in a way I'm still having trouble with while meditating (I'm doing a little every day). I noticed today that while my mind isn't turned outward, I don't know that its turned deeply inward either. I'm not sensing these things I started to feel after the anatomy class yesterday. This is the next step for deepening my practice. PAYING ATTENTION!!!! It seems so simple, but it's not.
Today was my first self-led practice. The shala is packed by 4:50, even though most people's start time is at 5. I got there at 4:55 and had trouble finding a spot. It was so different from the led practice. The led practice is SO fast compared to me practicing following my own breath. Have I mentioned we only do 3 Surya Namaskara Bs??? Some of you may appreciate this news. I nearly forgot purvotanasana, as I am wont to do.
I got to see some people doing intermediate, but I digress.
I used my new cotton yoga mat for the first time in the seated series today. It's awesome. No more hydroplaning on my own sweat. Sharath had time to sit down and help me through the Marichiasanas today, which was nice. Mari D is still a long way off. I got stopped there and then you go in the other room to do finishing poses.
After class I enjoyed fresh coconut water from inside a real coconut. Yummy in my tummy. There's a guy with a truck full of coconuts who parks in front of the shala every morning and waits for us to emerge...
I went home and read a book for a while, slathered myself in tiger balm (my new best friend: goodbye immodium, hello tiger balm!), made breakfast, and meditated. Then came anatomy class number 2.
We talked about the feet some more, then about muscles in the lower leg and the knee. What did I learn today that I want to incorporate into my practice tomorrow? I always thought that you had to contract the muscles on one side of the body while completely relaxing the other side to stretch--ie contracting the quads, releasing the hams. Apparently, we will get a deeper stretch by contracting the muscle we want to stretch. This stabalizes the joints the muscles are attached to. If the joint is not stable, your body will not let you stretch past a certain point. We tried it and it works! So, in seated poses, pressing the heel into the ground a little will give you more flexibility in the hip. I will try this tomorrow.
The knee is unbelievable, friends! We saw video of a cadaver's knee sliding back and forth over the meniscus.
Tomorrow, we learn about a number of things, including the structure of the femur and how one's particular femur shape may help or hinder getting into padmasana. I'm curious about my femur/padmasana potential...I know you're all on the edge of your seats.
Then I had lunch, and then I started writing this and then its now. I will probably go to bed at 8:30.
Not much else to report.
Love,
Lauren

Stress

Hello friends, I just finished a book I bought at the Ashram in Rishikesh about freeing oneself from stress. Step number one: breathing. Apparently, most of us chest breathe, and we should be breathing from our diaphragm. A lot of the ideas in the book are about retraining our physical and mental habits that create stress. Chest breathing puts us in a constant state of anxiety. Diaphragmatic breathing uses oxygen more efficiently and calms us down. So, I'm trying to concentrate on breathing with my diaphragm all the time.
Class was really nice again this morning. My knee isn't sore anymore. I think whatever I felt on Friday was an opening, rather than tearing. Yay.
Today, I'm starting a 5-day anatomy class, given by another yoga student. Should be interesting.
Being here is helping me see the barriers I've been putting up for myself in my practice and the lazy habits I've developed. It's nice to be pushed (compassionately) through those barriers. The barriers are fears, of what, I'm not sure.
Anyhoo, It's 10 am and I've already been awake for 5 and a half hours! Crazy.
TTFN,
Lauren

No roaches last night

I'm happy to report last night was roach-free.
Practice this morning was good, but not as intense as yesterday. Yesterday after class I felt like I'd been in a car accident, but the good kind--I didn't know where I was, or what just happened to me and my whole body was shaking.
I think one of the nice things about being here is the energy in the shala and the extra incentive to really push yourself. These are not things one needs to come here to find, necessarily, but it helps.
The side of my right knee hurt today and I didn't do Mari B on that side. It really feels like I opened something up, as opposed to having torn a ligament or something. It's already feeling better, aided by the application of copious amounts of tiger balm. It's weird to see how far my knee has dropped when I sit cross-legged--there's a pronounced difference. I spent 10 days at the ashram sitting cross-legged on the floor, with a lot of pressure on my right foot, which would always fall asleep. That pressure has been mostly alleviated.
Sharath adjusted me in several poses again this morning--someone commented to me about it after class. I appreciate the help. He helped me in utthita hasta padangusthasana again. He's holding my leg up so I can get my nose to my knee. I' m flexible enough to do this, but not strong enough. When he let my leg go to balance with it out in front of me, I was able to hold my leg much higher than I ever have before. I think it helps to start out higher. Sharath let go of my leg and then wiped his hand on my pants, saying "sweat," while making a little face. It's pouring out of me. I can't help it, I'm my father's daughter.
He also helped me bind in ardha baddha padma paschimatanasana again. My arm and my left leg are flexible enough to accomplish the bind easily, but I can't seem to get my arm around to grab my toe without assistance. I'll keep exploring.
I ran into the girl I met on the train from Rishikesh to Delhi (did I mention I met her?? not sure) in class today. She introduced me to some other people and invited me to have dinner with them. I think without a social scene, there's not much to do here other than yoga in the morning. We'll find out. From listening to people, it seems like most of the people here are yoga instructors.
It rained really hard last night. The monsoon may be here early.
There's a woman here who makes really beautiful yoga mat bags with different stuff embroidered on them. I posted some pictures today and included photos of what she makes, so if anyone wants one, let me know and I can ask her to make it in a particular color/style/design, even to put your name on it! They're about $12. I'm becoming an importer/exporter, just like George Costanza.
http://new.photos.yahoo.com/laurenemilywinter27
I just had lunch at a lady's house--lots of people in the area are capitalizing on the presence of so many yoga students. I am capitalizing on the delicious food this lady cooks for lunch.
Tomorrow's a rest day. I'm glad I'll have a day to lay off my knee and see how it feels on Sunday.
Sitting here at the computer, waiting for my photos to upload, I'm compelled to tell you about an untalked about source of embarrassment: the sweaty behind. It's so hot and you sit in a chair for a long time and end up soaking through your pants. One more burden I have to bear. Sigh.

Mysoric Inspiration

Hello friends, I had my first yoga class today and it was amazing!!! Cate and Margie, consider "it" brought.
Class started at 5 am and was led by Sharath. Guruji is apparently recovering at home and may be coming to classes sometime soon. I thought I'd try and claim an inconspicuous spot in the back. My plans for remaining unseen were spoiled! I got to the shala and the only space left was in the front row. Sigh. Pride swallowed.
Those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, feel free to use the comments section to discuss something completely unintelligible to me, like football.
We have led class 3 days a week: Thursday, Friday and Sunday. I'm glad class was led today. I was able to concentrate on following along, rather than being nervous about forgetting a posture, or something. Happily, we practice at home pretty much how we practiced here today, though it seemed to go much faster today than at home. One difference, though, they didn't let me modify any of the standing postures. I was instructed to grab my toe in triangle, even though I can't keep my torso straight, and they wanted me to go for completed revolved side angle, even though I can't put my hand on the ground. Oh, and keep my hands together over my head in warrior 1 and utkatasana, even though I can't straighten my arms.
I got adjusted a LOT this morning. It was really nice. First pose: Sharath pushed me further into padangusthasana. Then, later he held my leg up on both sides of utthita hasta padangusthasana. The room was packed with people (our mats were inches from each other) and it was really hot. My muscles got really warm and I was sweating hot-yoga style.
Next, seated poses. The incredible-est thing happened. I bound on my left side in ardha baddha padma paschimatanasana. Sharath came around, moved my arm, and I caught my toe! With ease! Holy crap. I have never come close to binding in this pose and I figured I'd spend the next 2 months not binding in it. It blew my mind to do it my first day here!
2nd wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles: I bound in Marichiasana B! On both sides! What??? Who's body am I now inhabiting? How did this happen? The only possible bad thing: when my right leg was in half lotus, I felt a sort of crunching sensation on the outside of my knee. Did I injure myself on my first day? I hope not. I'm hoping I just moved something that needed to be moved. So far its a tiny bit sore, but nothing extreme. My right knee seems to be resting lower in easy pose than it was before. I'll report back tomorrow. It happened in an instant, it came without warning!
I was stopped after Marichiasana D (which I did not bind in--if I had we would have had to rethink all the laws of the universe). This was actually a bit of a relief. I was really tired. I sat on my mat while the rest of the class finished primary series. I rejoined when we started the finishing poses.
I went straight into the best backbend I've ever done. I couldn't hold myself up for all three, though, and had to come down onto my head. Uttana padasana was hard, but it always is.
I fell when I went into headstand. Oopies. I didn't hit anyone, luckily. I was really tired and my whole body was shaking. Sharath made a joke about it not being time for chakrasana and then held me up for the duration of the headstand.
Then it came, sweet, sweet savasana. Aaaah.
I really pushed myself to the limit today, in a way I never have before. I think the blocks I've had to these poses I've been unable to complete in the past must be mental, not physical (although, I'm sure the heat helped me physically today). I don't think I've ever given myself up completely like I did today. I didn't think about being tired, or about stopping, etc. I realized last week that the problem I have in wheel pose is mental, not physical--this revelation came after I discovered the tension I was holding in my belly. I think wheel stretches the area that was tense and it was really uncomfortable for me, so I was avoiding it. The half-lotus postures, I really don't know what to say. I assumed I would go home from here without being able to bind in any of these poses, so I guess after day one I can go home happy. Not that being able to complete poses is the ultimate goal of any of this.
I was completely exhausted after the hour and a half practice. I had to sleep for an hour after I ate breakfast.
I need to get one of those cotton, woven mats to put on top of my yoga mat. Otherwise, I will continue to slide around on my sweat.
In other news, I didn't sleep that great last night (nervous excitement). I had a bug fly in my ear while I was drifting off. Eew. I got up to use the bathroom and there was a giant cockroach on the wall. I know I've claimed not to be squeamish, but I screamed like a little girl and then tried to coax it into the toilet so I could flush it, all without touching it or going to close to it. Obviously, this didn't work. So, I lay on my mattress, on the floor, worrying that the cockroach was going to leave the bathroom and crawl all over me.
Sorry if this has been all Greek to you.
Love to you all!
Lauren

Shopping

Hello friends, I moved into my new room yesterday. It reminds me of the semester in college when Bridget and I shared an apartment on Gilman. We had no stuff. My bed was on the floor. Same situation here. It took me all of 10 minutes to unpack. Then I went to buy some clothes.
Shopping here is not like shopping at home. You go from store to store that specializes in whatever it is you're looking to buy. Then, rather than browsing, they have everything behind a counter. They take stuff off the shelves to show you. You kind of end up ripping the whole store apart, because its the only way to see everything they have.
Anyhoo, I now have more than 1 and a half outfits.
I also went grocery shopping. A kilo of mangoes cost me 50 cents. Halleluja. I love mangoes.
I'm kind of just sitting around, twiddling my thumbs till class starts tomorrow. I haven't made any friends yet, so I've been sitting inside, eating mangoes and reading a book.
It thunderstormed here last night. I love thunderstorms.
Hugs!
Lauren